I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
