Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
