I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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