I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
