Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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