It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
