I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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