The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
