She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
someone owes me an orgasm
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
