First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Still dying that you shit outside
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
