I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
