IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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