Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
