i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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