You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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