People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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