They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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