New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
