Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize