just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
