like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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