She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
