We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
