My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
