he puts the penis in happiness.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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