I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
