He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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