Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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