so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
