I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
