Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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