Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
