This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
