I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
