im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
