i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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