I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
