I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
