You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize