I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
