i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
