yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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