so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
