coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
