He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
