maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
