Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
