I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
