Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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