Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My penis needs a shock collar
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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