Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
no, he came in my armpit
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
