I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
