Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
