oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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