Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize