Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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