well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
