It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize