Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize