I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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