My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The beer is more important than you right now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
