Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He felt like a one man threesome
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
