She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
