dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
